Emma's Story

My darkest moment was when I knew I needed recovery, but I didn't know if I could get it. It's such a harsh word, addiction, actually. I just believe I had an addictive nature from, you know, very early on. And at the age of 11, I started down the road of eating disorders. I just wanted to fit in. There was a lot of peer pressure to look a certain way at school, and I started withholding food. I've been through the whole spectrum of eating disorders over the years that followed. And it was at the age of 13 that I found alcohol, and many of my friends were dabbling with it, you know, trying it. And it wasn't before long that my drinking just escalated. I was drinking at my worst, two litres of vodka a day, and just wanted to die. And I didn't know who Emma was. I didn't know what I liked. If you had asked me what colour I liked, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. I'd lost everybody around me and everything and every value and belief that I had. Before long, I was in a real mess. I went to university.

I was really well educated. And so what I see now is that addiction doesn't discriminate against your background or, you know, where you've been. And for me, my park bench became a lovely flat. It doesn't have to be what we stereotypically think of addiction. I was surrounded by hundreds of people daily but felt so alone. And that's what addiction and destructive habits do. They strip people of everything. I felt the shame of drinking again. I have an absolute fear of not knowing if I could make this. And for me, that was a real moment of realising I was at a crossroads. I either turned and asked for help, probably the more difficult thing to do, or I just returned and bought another bottle. 

Even though I didn't have a clue how to go about actually getting to that point of recovery, I knew I wanted it. And that was a significant change for me. And I asked God to help me. I'm sitting here today, and God has done amazing things in my life.

I've had 15 years in recovery, almost entirely sober. And I give all the glory to God today. There's a saying I use a lot about turning battles into blessings. And through those dark, lonely, desperate, shameful, horrendous times, God's been able to do something in my life that, knowing that God is always there and that Jesus is my friend and brother, has changed everything for me. Absolutely everything. And it gives me the confidence and the strength to face battles. And that's the thing. Having God in your life doesn't mean difficult times don't happen. They do. But it's given me this different level of courage and belief that things can and will change.

There's a saying, "God can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine". And for me, it's so much more in ways that I never, ever imagined that life could turn out and to realise that there's hope. And no matter how dark a situation is, light can filter in, and then it can flood that room and change the whole situation.

That's my experience, and I believe it is possible for anybody. 

I'm Emma, and I'm from Bournemouth in the UK.